Loosers & Wackos

Internet matchmaking companies have been expanding rapidly over the past few years as I'm sure you're all aware. As a result, the majority of my clients largely fall into into two categories: they're either weary or new to the whole matchmaking process (nervous about online sites and/or prefer that personal and loving touch of someone like yours truly, nothing wrong with that!) OR they're chronic matchmaking attics; the type that's tried a number of online sites repeatedly with no success or have been removed (often involuntarily) at the request of the host site or poor schleps too naive to know the 15 minuets they'd spend with the person before storming out of the lunch date would lead to several months of therapy.

I call these people losers.

Losers are not to be confused with their far more dangerous and frequently more perverse brethren, "The Wacko". (I should pause here and state that I am not a scientist so my classification system should not be used as such). "Wackos" are the guys you meet in bars who go beyond cheesy pick-up lines and go straight for the sensible jugular by asking questions like "Are you related to my Uncle Bob because he's got big tits too?"

These are normally the people you see getting slapped in the face or wearing wet shirts fresh from a recently thrown drink in the face. (I should note here that while I'm singling out men in particular, women who surround themselves with more cats than they have friends and read Nancy Drew novels well into their 30s should also be included in this category, you know who you are!)

This group along with looses (the more mentally sound but equally socially inept, unattractive, disinterested, and boring of the two groups) compromise the great demographic of our society which most of us would not warm to without a few drinks or a hearty sense of sociological curiosity for the odd and bizarre.














(Can you guess which is the Loser and which is the Wacko?)

These, friends, are the outcasts of a modern generation.

These are the misfit toys from a dust ridden and long tucked away social closet.

These are the ugly and abused puppies of America sifting through trash cans in alleyways longing for attention and just a little bit of nookie.

And with a great deal of money to spend toward this single objective, these, dear friends, are my clients!!!